Thursday, August 23, 2018

Feeling the Fear~


I am learning some things about fear. Even building a relationship with it. 

Fear is not a stranger to me, however mostly my fears have been based on something that has already happened or something that I’m afraid will happen, which is usually never actually going to happen. It’s just craziness. 

You hear the quotes about fear all the time and I’ve always thought that I’ve lived a fairly courageous life. 

But hold on. What does courage have to do with fear? 

I would say that I’ve done some pretty courageous things because I was afraid of what might happen to someone that I loved, or because I was trying to protect something or someone. 

But when it comes to BEING afraid and taking some kind of action regardless of that fear, I think I’ve kept myself pretty comfortable. I would even say I’ve figured out my max comfort level of fear and I keep myself just right there, so it doesn’t hurt too much. 

Tonight I’m referring particularly to public speaking. Often more feared by humans than death itself!

As part of my writing journey, I’ve decided to say YES to more speaking opportunities. Any time I’m asked, I say yes. I’m even going to be seeking some new opportunities in the near future. Stay tuned ;) 

Tonight I shared my story of recovery to another group of people for the second time in two weeks and every time, another little something transforms inside of me. It’s inexplicable. Magic even. 

The whole entire day leading up to that moment is consumed by my thoughts of how it’s all going to go. All of my apprehensions and fears of being judged or messing the whole thing up... What if I walk up there and faint, or worse, DIE?!! 

I walk up to the front of the room, hands shaking, voice trembling. I feel so small with all of those eyes on me.  

But I just stay present with the people, because we’re all just people, and I ground myself in why I’m there, and I ask God to guide my words, and it just happens. And people are moved. And hopefully someone decides to stay sober because of something I’ve said. Hopefully someone’s life is touched or changed in some way. 

I know mine is. 

All of this because I felt the fear and did it anyway. I wonder where else I can take this on in my life. 

I wonder how many lives I can touch... 

What if disarming the fears that have been holding us back is THE actual key to experiencing the greatest freedom ever imagined..?

I’m finally ready and willing to find out. 

xoxo
Mimi

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