Sharing this with you is super scary for me, but I feel like I don't have a choice anymore. I need to put this out there to you, and to the Universe, to hold me to my word.
So I have decided to share part of my invocation with you... for my book.
This will be at the heart of all that I create and do in 2019.
I have had a book inside me for a long time. I knew at a young age that I would write it. Throughout the years people in my life and messages from above have confirmed and told me that I have to write it.
And it’s time.
I have known for years that my life was going to be something I would share with the world. It wasn’t because it was always something I was proud of. It wasn’t always bright and shiny or happy.
In fact my life as a child was so tumultuous and miserable that I often wanted to hide and be invisible. I often felt small and ashamed. But I also knew that I had to make something out of it all some day.
It was just too messy and didn’t fit who I felt like I was as a little girl. It just didn’t make sense. I never belonged and I never understood why. So I sought for purpose and reason before I even realized that’s what I was doing.
Revisiting certain parts of my life stirs up a lot of things for me. Sharing certain parts of myself and my experiences is incredibly vulnerable. And scary. Even painful.
However, I know without a shadow of a doubt that this book is one of my main purposes in my life. I know that I wasn’t put into this particular life to have my particular experiences just to keep it all to myself.
There are things that are dying inside of me - things I will die with - that must live on. They must go on to help change the stories that will happen after me. To alter the way of generations to follow me.
The fire that burns within me is there so that I can help others to know…
~that it’s possible to choose something different than the cards that were dealt to you.
~that you can walk through the fire and come out on the other side - not unscathed, but more alive.
~that you can be taken down by life - knocked on your ass - and you can stand back up and create your life.
~that you can stand up and say, "this is not how my life is going to go" - because you say so.
~that your life doesn’t have to go the way that your parents or others before showed you. Or the way that society says. Or even the way that you’ve grown to think it “should” go.
I am not here to carry on the narratives or the dysfunction of my past. I am here to shake shit up and alter the way. For my kids. And their kids. And so on.
You might think your life is just another speck in time, but you are carving a path for those that come after you, no matter how big or small.
Are you okay with the direction that it’s going?
I wasn’t. And so I set out on a quest. I felt like I got lost so many times along the way that I lost count.
But it all led me here. Found. In a place where I have overcome and completed enough of the things that have been put in my path to know that it’s time to share my life with you.
Over the past 20 years I have sat down several times to begin this journey (in fact I already have 7 chapters written!), but I haven’t been ready to fully dive in until now.
I’m finally the woman that is ready to write my book!
The past year was the final chapter, now comes the work! The pen to paper.
I'm excited to share this beautiful, messy and imperfect journey with you over the next year. I hope you will come along and perhaps even be inspired in your own way.
I hope that if you have been dealt some seemingly unfair hand in this game of life, that you will be stirred to do the work to change the path in front of you, with me.
We're in this together.